“WITH GREAT POWER, COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.”-Spiderman.
Becoming a mother for the first time can be quite challenging and overwhelming. There are infinite tasks to learn and master and as many hurdles to pull you back and sometimes leave you scarred for life.
Let’s talk about it in an interesting way, every female session of getting dressed is twisted at many levels. If you could comprehend the complexities of that, you can stop being an embezzler of her dressing up time. Only women know the significant amount of effort required to copy that eyeshadow and eyeliner on the other side, to pick the right shade of earrings and the importance of wearing the right category of heels every time.
It is the same with motherhood. YOU HAVE TO BECOME ONE TO GET IT. Plus, the exorbitant cost and the unconventional discomfort associated with everything about our looks will leave you doomed. Role play anyone?
So, if you think that by merely pitying a mother trying to calm her screaming kid down or by frowning at another one who is trying to be affirmative by raising her voice to stop her kid from eating a little lolly, you can judge and grade their parenting skills, good luck with that.
New mommies have a million things going on and mastering the high level of multitasking required to play the role is not easy. I feel the top struggles of a new mom are :
1. BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLIC
Everybody knows that you need to do it, but how? “Dear God! In public?”
Some babies are rebels and are great at protesting. If you cover their heads while feeding, they feel suffocated. But since many people are offended at the sight of it, either,
a) babies and mums should be incarcerated in their house until they are weaned off, or
b) babies must be raised right and forced to learn some manners and deal with their covered faces or
c) breastfeeding should only be done in closed spaces where nobody can see you like in a public toilet. CLASSIC PROJECTION.
I feel that this is a major issue and it needs to be addressed. People need to stop mistaking public breastfeeding with public nudity.
2. PHYSICAL DISCOMFORT
Anaesthesia, post-surgical, breastfeeding, carrying a baby, changing a million nappies a day, mastitis, repetitive uncomfortable sleeping positions, phew!
The reasons could be many. But a new mom has a lot on her plate and not enough strength to handle it all.
For instance, I had an episiotomy and could not sit because of the horrible pain. I was of course taking strong pain killers and using a donut pillow to sit.
But feeding my son required better positioning, support and balancing. So, I fed my son lying down for the initial few weeks. IT IS POSSIBLE.
The point is, that the discomfort is unavoidable, but you can make your lives worse if you are not asking for help sooner. There are solutions available for your particular issue.
“But all mothers have done it.” That is right. But every childbirth comes with a different set of problems. No two are the same.
3. BABY BLUES
While the whole world is trying to tell you how a child will make your life better, how you and your partner will never have an issue after you have a baby together, how motherhood will bring out the best in you, how the world will respect you, how nicely you will be treated at your workplace, how you will lose all the weight when you breastfeed, how you will be able to make countless new friends through play groups and how you are truly giving birth to a miracle, and YOU GENUINELY CANNOT relate to a single point after the baby, you are not alone.
All the above mentioned gone in an opposite direction create a mindset that acts as a silent killer. A big fat reason for post-natal depression and self – abomination.
Moms need to recognise it and family and friends need to help in treating it right. It is not a myth that is used by new mothers as an excuse. Educate yourself before the storm destroys everything.
4. DECISION MAKING
Small and big questions of these kind – disposable diapers or cloth diapers? Which brand of baby formula? Co-sleeping or not? Which first solid food? Childcare or not? Back to work or stay at home? Second child? Too much to think about.
And the worst part is that most of the above don’t have a midway to make both sides happy. I suggest, that without getting sucked up in the complex pros and cons of every side before deciding, see what’s feasible for you in the long run and start with that.
5. AND THE BEST MOM AWARD GOES TO…..
Comparison between babies is one thing. But comparison between moms is brutal at the very elementary level. It’s crazy to say that another mom is taking better care of her baby somewhere.
We need to put a fullstop at raising eyebrows at ourselves on coming across a mother who seems better. These experiences are relevant and results of the entire world being judgemental.
Yet again, every child is different and so is every mom.
Every first-time mom goes through a tough time. It’s not just inconvenient, but sometimes even a torture. And everything about motherhood is about timing, if you don’t follow it at the right time, there are NO RAINCHECKS!
When you become a mother, you completely throw yourself out of the picture and just nurture the little miracle. But you are as important too. “Take care of yourself too mum.”