So the perks of being a parent include getting invited to countless birthday parties, play dates, pick and drop school encounters and kid’s recreational classes encounters.
And are these red-carpet events? If you think I am out of my mind, then you have either never been to them or you haven’t been paying attention. Parents are social animals.
I roll my eyes every time I see the “glamour moms” taking over the old-fashioned “hot mess mom's" that I am a part of. I feel tad embarrassed and shamefully, even intimidated when I am given that “you look so tired” look.
The repercussions are sharp. Low self-confidence makes me go wild. I become anxious. I lose focus. I get cranky and repulsive. I say destructive phrases like “I look like a potato”, “I wish I was skinnier”, “I want my love handles to vanish”, “I can’t wear that as I’m not skinny enough” and many more. It all comes out in front of my children.
There’s not enough drop of water on earth, to wash away the guilt I face for doing that to my children. I should be a positive role-model to my kids come what may. But I was misjudging the path I needed to choose to be able to become one.
I’m not an enthusiast when it comes to weight loss. The struggle is real. I am a foodie and according to me, “I love working out” is a myth. “Running treadmill is LIT”, said no one ever. But I am also a part of the club where everybody aspires to be skinnier and apparently then, prettier. But do I have the right motivation? I believe that I’m always right in general but, this time, I’m not so sure.
1. “PAIN AND GAIN. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.” I CAN’T EVEN!
“I have to take charge now.” “I will work on my body.” “I will wear my cute dresses.” These are my every 2-month shenanigans. I begin typing “how to lose 5 kilos asap” on my phone and, completely ignoring my wit, being totally reckless, going through every regimen suggested and finally, following the chosen one.
I am so dedicated in that moment, that if I could binge starve myself and binge workout myself to glamour, I would absolutely do it. Hence, I am always successful, for the first 2 days, and somehow sometimes even take it to the 3rd day. But after that, every single time, I quit.
The reason for walking away is always, no matter how much I lie to myself, is the same which is that I need to eat to survive. Duh!
Apparently following such unrealistic and painful weight loss magic regimes makes it happen. Well, thanks for nothing.
2. “CHOCOLATE IS BAE!”
I have a soft, in fact like a really soft pure cashmere sweater spot for chocolates. I could live on chocolate. I am an expert in picking and a perfectionist when it comes to taste. The warmth, the feel and the joy I get when I feel a fine chocolate up my palate, is felicitating. Nothing makes me happier than a chocolate. I seriously gained another 2 kilos just by writing that.
It’s an uncontrollable urge. I need it when I’m happy, sad, stressed or even bored.
3. BUT WHY DO I CARE?
So now that it has been established that I am a completely unhealthy person, it is time to address the elephant in the room.
It all began a hundred years ago, when I realized that every time I send my pictures to my friends and family, my girlfriends and my sister always send a reply that I love to hate. They would chose a particular picture and point out either “you look so skinny here” or, when they are trying to help and being completely honest “your belly looks a little too big in this pic”.
4. THROUGH THICK AND THIN
Along with this, I started noticing that everyone around me was always talking about how FAT they have become or how they want to lose weight for a forthcoming event. My almost skinny sister lost a lot of weight before her wedding and got her entire wedding attire tailored to her body to be the prettiest bride on her D day when the wedding was a month away. It was a torture just to watch her do it.
But alas, did she look pretty. I loved everything about her. It really took my breath away.
I had to spill the beans about her comedy gold, even though she would kill me now. Talk of sibling rivalry.
5. BUT THERE’S MORE HAVOC
My girlfriends, well some of them were, are and always will be cribbing over their bodies. It’s like one of those situations where every question you ask them has the same answer which is “I am fat”. For example,
Q Why aren’t you coming to the wedding?
A I am fat.
Q What do you think went wrong with the interview?
A I am fat.
Q Why are you always wearing sweatpants?
A I am fat.
Q Why aren’t you eating your own birthday cake?
A I am fat.
Q Why don’t you want to go to the cinemas?
A I am fat.
Q How did you become an insomniac?
A I am fat.
Q Why are you so cranky and rude these days?
A I am fat.
Q Why have you lost all of your mind?
A I am fat.
It creeps me out to think that how deep in the emotional pit of “I am fat” would the person must have fallen.
6.“DON’T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME”
Let’s just face the fact that no matter how petite it sounds, we are influenced by celebrities. The stars and their perfect post baby bodies are a big fat misleading influence that destroys our peace. Do we have what they do? And do they have what we do? Pun intended.
I like to use this excuse when I cannot justify the depth of my stupidity, because of my “baby brain” it took an ugly twist. All of the above repeatedly knocked at the door of my weak spot and in no time, became my biggest emotional hang up. And the worst part was that I was not the only one losing my sleep over my body. Everyone was as crazy and senseless as I.
The fat have been stigmatized over decades. It initiates with "bullying" at school, college, work place and goes as far as people becoming suicidal.
This leaves us with the million-dollar question, how to pull yourself together? How to become a normal functioning adult again?
1. THERE’S MORE TO LIFE
Not too long ago, I got struck by lightning and realized that I was choosing to stay incarcerated in “my body is my life”. I tweaked it a little and made a new mantra which was “my life, is my life”. No matter how big or small I get in size, my life will always be larger than my body. And it is nobody’s business.
2. BLACK OR WHITE
Being an extremist is the big problem here. Either you start aggressive crunching of, first those weighing scale numbers and then of your ab muscles, or you become a couch potato. Chose the grey already.
3. BABY STEPS
No matter how desperately you want it, you can’t shed off your unwanted weight in a jiffy. So, take one day at a time, plan your diet and your workout. Even George Clooney and Shah Rukh Khan began their acting careers in small roles on TV.
4. USE YOUR GREY MATTER
Dr. Christopher Kayes, author of “Destructive Goal Pursuit: The Mount Everest Disaster”, talks about ‘SMART’ goals in his book. SMART expanding as specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bounded.
Getting fit is a journey and all the traits mentioned above must be the part of the plan for things to work.
This is a never ending discussion but I think I’ve made my point here. Just love yourself and make the right choices. You don’t need to be skinny to be happy. Celebrate your bodies and celebrate your lives.
“Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do”